Click, Clack, and Don’t Look Back!
Updated: Dec 8, 2020
I will save an encouraging quote I see on social media in 2.5 seconds, so I’m not sure who or where I got this, but it definitely hits home today.
“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.”
For years I was afraid of goodbyes; I was afraid of saying no; I was afraid of disappointing people. Anybody! It didn’t matter if I knew you for 5 minutes or 15 years it I hated to disappoint. But in that I have found myself buried underneath my own yeses; buried underneath everyone else’s expectations of me; or left behind and at some sort of deficit. So just like society teaches, I went through the “I’m done with and over people” moments, just about every year. And every time those posts would come up on my timeline memories, I’d share them with just as much fire as I had before.
I found myself hating that I loved people so much. I hated that I wanted to please them. But the more I found myself hating that part of me the more I found myself rejecting a huge part of my destiny and calling. It took God to show me that he created me that way. He loves to see us smile and we’re created in His image, right? So why is it so wrong to have the same desire for others that God has for me? The truth is, it’s not! there’s absolutely nothing wrong with caring about others. As a matter of fact, I think its the part of us that’s right!
So what‘s missing? Why was I finding myself in these situations? And while I’m forever learning about me and will never know it all, I have to say I’ve learned that it was a lack of understanding my identity, what I was worth, where I belonged, and what was or wasn’t for me. I‘ve learned that that “yes” was just as selfish as I thought a “no” would have been.
Once I started to accept what was and stopped trying to force others or their lives to fit, life wasn’t so hard. It took me including myself in the caring for. It took realizing that my smile, my health, my safety was just as important as everyone else’s. And that lesson made it much easier to find joy in where I am and the fact that I’m not where I was. It takes a hell of a lot of reminding and resetting but the smile on my face that comes from understanding my worth is beyond worth the work!
All that to say, I’m learning to say NO all over again. Not from a place of fear. Not from a place of sadness. Not from a place of selfishness.
I’m learning to say YES. Not from that place of fear. Not from that place of sadness. And Not from that place of selfishness.
But I’m learning to speak from wholeness! A place that reflects truth, safety, love, health, and care for everyone that encounters it, including myself this time...
So know that everytime you see me walking away from things not meant for ME, know that I’m not only loving every moment of it, but I’m loving me. Know that I’m walking proud of myself because it probably took everything in me to take that step and keep walking. And know that I’m walking towards whatever is for me! Without an apology, Without negating God. And hopefully without looking back.
As we round out this year, I urge you to click clack and not look back! I urge you to find your place of wholeness. It really does exist. Fight to get there, and fight to stay there. Then live and speak from that place. It is that place of wholeness that your Yes can mean Yes and your No can mean No without damaging what should be!